Today I remembered that anything I know how to do came from hours of practice. I never miraculously did something well the first time (that I can remember . . . except maybe eye bleeding a rat, but I think that was beginner’s luck, because it wasn’t so smooth and easy the second time). I’ve also never had a special talent that stood apart from other abilities, although there are things that I’m not so good at such as team sports and physics. But even with the things I’m not so good at, with practice, I’ve gotten better, even to the point where I can enjoy them even when I’m not doing them well.
Right now, my job is editing and writing. This activity forces me to look deep into myself and move a lot of energy. In the process, I feel greater connection to my true self and to divinity.
Part of that process, however, is having the will to keep going despite the self-doubt, frustration, or downright anger I often feel as I get deeper into a piece of writing. These emotions are just one layer out of many that I have inside, but they can be so strong that they can seem like the ultimate truth in the moment I am facing them. It’s always helpful for me to remember, “Oh, right. I’ve been through this before. I just have to keep going until I get to the other side.”
On the other side is greater clarity and hope. I won’t suddenly become an amazing, award-winning writer if I take that one more step needed in order to be clear of that negative block of emotions. That will take a lot more practice. But I might find meaning and inspiration in my work, and perhaps a way to express what I would like to communicate in a way that resonates with people—or at least makes sense.