This is my therapy writing session for myself. It’s hard for me to focus inside today, and it’s hard to be nice to people. These two things go hand in hand. Along with that, it’s also hard to have a clear brain because there is so much going on around me.
But as I write this, it’s getting easier, and I can start to encounter the resistances energetically in my body. I sense a bright light at the top of my skull near my baekhwe point and energy filling my body. My heart is becoming clearer, and I can actually feel my stiff and dead legs better. The blockage that always exists on the left side of my back, especially along my bladder meridian, and especially near my shoulder blade, are starting to open. I feel calmer. My throat is opening. I feel more secure.
Writing is better than sitting here with whirling thoughts trying to figure out how to approach popular YouTubers about the Solar Body Method, who already have their own thing. I just did the exercises this morning, but unless I am connected to myself, it’s difficult for me to be enthusiastic about anything.
Sometimes after I do training, while I feel good immediately after, I become so open and scattered and I experience emotional and mental backlash. It’s as if I’m a rubber band that has been stretched, but I haven’t fully grown into that new length yet. Since I can’t fully support it, I tend to snap back to the old length. It takes repeated stretching, until I add enough new material, to be able to stay in a new awareness, energy state, or habit.
That’s essentially what happens every Friday after I teach the 7 am class at the Sedona Meditation Center. I become very sensitive to my environment and irritable as a result. Good thing I realize it so I can bring my focus back to my center and be less reactive. Sometimes I try to block my environment with food, coffee, and videos, but, that doesn’t help that much. It definitely doesn’t solve the problem.
Rather than survive, I want to grow. Trying to be comfortable or pleasant isn’t growing. So I accept my sensitivity and irritability. I accept everything going on in the energy of the people in our quiet office. I do not block myself from it. But I ask for help and support in the moments when I don’t feel strong (like five minutes ago) and feel grateful for the moments when I do (like two minutes ago).
Ok, I will attempt to cold email strangers once again and be grateful for the anxiety and doubt that goes along with it.