I am writing down all of the things my ego keeps telling me today in the hope that when it is expressed, those voices will shut up.
I am right. I am always right, and everyone else is wrong. If I’m wrong, it’s too painful, and I can’t deal with that pain right now. My tailbone is a little painful, I’m craving sugar and caffeine, and I’m ready to snap at anyone about anything.
I’m supposed to have practiced Brain Education for the past 10 years, but where have I gotten? Am I really practicing it? Do I even know how to practice it? Who the hell am I to be telling other people how to live? How can I help?
I know how to have hope, and I know how to encourage myself, but I don’t really feel like it. I just want to dig in my heals, cross my arms over my chest, and whine, whine, whine. I love the sound of my own voice, even in my head.
I am ugly. I can’t talk. My thought processes are simplistic. I’ll believe anything that feels good. I don’t have discipline. I haven’t learned Korean yet. My posture is horrible. I don’t worry enough, yet, at the same time, I worry too much: Am I focusing on the right things? How can I be right? How can people like me, or at least, still give me work to do and pay me a salary so that I can eat all the food I want?
Wow, that actually worked. After a while I felt better, then deeper stuff came out, and now I’m just tired of complaining. I don’t care about my complaints. I am free!
Now I will use that energy to just be happy within myself and do my job.