Today, while I was doing bowing, I felt my tender heart being exposed by the energy release that naturally comes with bowing meditation. My tender heart is just something I’ve named to fit the feeling I had. I would like to explore this tender heart. What would life be like if I left it exposed instead of covering it up?
One thing I’ve learned already is that being in our office is difficult with a tender heart. This feeling, when I have it, often only lasts about half an hour when I walk in there in the morning. This phenomenon strikes me as odd, since there are so many good and loving people in my office. So I don’t think it’s my environment that is causing it. So, why is maintaining my spiritual strength and center while I’m out in the world so difficult?
Obviously, one reason must be that my center is not strong enough. That’s the law of energy. Different energies tend to resonate together, and they follow whichever energy is the strongest.
I’ve wanted to make my energy stronger for years, but I haven’t had the dedication to do it. Can I really make it a priority? Will that fulfill Ilchi Lee’s assertion that keeping a promise is more important than “enlightenment?” I think my preconception of this idea is encouraging me not to focus too deeply inside, but, instead, focus on getting work done. However, the balance point, or the zero point as they say, is when you go so deep that you and others, as well as being and doing, become one.
I’ve been that deep, but I don’t live at that depth. I think not remaining in that state of consciousness and energy is preventing me from reaching out and helping people in the way that I’d like—the effective way essentially, whatever that is. I haven’t found it yet, but I know the answer is usually in the blockages one carries inside one, often deliberately.
I’ve noticed that this topic is the theme of most of my blog posts. Perhaps this is the organic theme of this blog: How to live with an open heart. This theme is not new, but it’s important to me. It affects every aspect of my life.
The only conclusion I can come to right now is to keep trying to open my heart and stay there—over and over, over and over.