I’ve been feeling a sense of futility for many reasons lately. One of the reasons is that regardless of how centered or joyful or connected or soul-centered I feel, something always soon happens to cover, suffocate, or wash out this state.
Even though intellectually I know that I just need to become stronger, I had became tired of making myself “right” over the weekend, only to walk into the office on Monday and have it all swept away. This “Monday” consciousness and energy, which didn’t feel good, would slowly seep in from the minute I would enter the office.
I couldn’t fight it off for long. I didn’t have enough energy to do that and work and respond to the needs around me. Within half an hour, I would have surrendered to the inevitable.
Today I decided that I didn’t care. Just like the boy who kept throwing starfish into the sea, one by one, saving as many as he could among the millions on the beach, I can save my moments one by one. If I have even one more moment in which my soul is alive with joy, it is valuable. It’s not pointless. That is one more moment, one more bit of that consciousness and energy that I’ve not only added to my own life, but also to the pool of the world, to the earth itself. I should try to contribute as much as I can.
And if I’m lucky, maybe this accumulation will make my soul energy stronger, so that it can survive in any environment. I promised one of my old Body & Brain members ten years ago that I would work to make the world safe for our souls to come out. So I shouldn’t forget that promise.
Just as we can face one bow in meditation at a time, I can face and contribute one moment at a time. And that is enough.