I feel like I’m at the precipice of a new life and a new self, but I’m afraid to jump off.
If I really face it, I know I’ll have to do it. So I’ve been avoiding looking directly at it. I won’t be able to help accepting it if I fully acknowledge it, because to turn away after full awareness will cause great internal pain. Then it becomes a choice between which pain is worse: the pain of taking a leap or the pain of running away from the edge. So I’ve been avoiding choosing.
But all the factors and people in my life keep kicking and dragging me toward the cliff, forcing my head to turn. They keep stimulating and triggering me, reminding me that I can’t avoid it.
Not jumping is against my purpose, against my self. But it involves truly and completely surrendering myself, at least, my small self, my past, and all the internal and external structures that go with it.
And I don’t even know what I’m jumping toward or how to jump or what it will look like at the bottom. I have no idea.
But one person told me in a reading that I should be like the happy fool who puts one foot in front of the other with faith and no idea where she is going.
Maybe it means to accept my responsibility to grow the Brain Education practice and community. Maybe the path lies in what I am avoiding and resisting the most. Or maybe I need to follow the recommendations for the “Generator” type in Human Design: to respond with “uh huh” or “uh uh” to yes or no questions. Then I’ll know what paths are linked to my sacral energy. Or I can ask my true self, my soul, in meditation.
Will I trust these answers, or just keep sitting and shaking my legs (spinning my wheels – so many clichés)?
Who are you? How do you define yourself? Are you Korean, American, Nigerian, Mexican? Do you call yourself a heterosexual, homosexual, vegan, country boy/girl? Do you consider yourself Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or atheist?
We all use a lot of labels. Some of these labels were given to us at birth and some of them we adopted as we lived our lives. Some were imposed on us by society and others we chose ourselves. But what do these labels do? How do we use them?
On one hand, when we go down to the core of who we really are, to the very nature of the universe, all labels melt away. In that raw potentiality, labels cannot exist. This is what many people have been enlightened to.
The Power of Labels
As we step away and look at ourselves and the world at the surface, we see defined boundaries—individual rocks, plants, animals, and human beings. When we want to explain what we see using language, we give these entities names and talk about their characteristics. Then as we seek to understand how the world works, we take another step back and look at systems and populations. We try to find entities that seem to have characteristics in common and group them together, and then we see how they interact with each other.
These attempts to define and understand our world, and in the process, ourselves, are culturally determined. Different people in different places at different times have described what they saw from their own frame of reference, which itself has evolved and changed. How they did this has had a big impact on the lives of the individuals and groups to which those labels were applied.
Cultural labels determine whether an animal becomes food or a pet. They determine whether a person is praised or persecuted. And they prejudice us to a person’s potential.
They also influence what we pay attention to. Do we prioritize profit or people? Are we only focused on our own community or do we think about the whole world?
If labels have so much power, and yet are fluid and culturally defined, then what labels should we use? Which labels would do the most good for the most people?
I’m just posting this here because I was looking for GIFs for another blog post and I saw this and, as the title says, I love it! I just want to keep watching it. Why not embed this Soul Train dancer on my own blog so I can come back and see it anytime I want? I hope it brings you just as much joy. This person is such a beautiful dancer. I’m grateful to her.
Since I started doing Body & Brain Yoga Tai Chi, I’ve been increasingly aware of my tailbone. I have a blockage in my sacrum area on the left side of my spine. My left bladder meridian along my back is usually blocked in general, especially between my left shoulder blade and my spine.
When I do the practice or get any kind of energy work done, these blockages open, sometimes only partially. Then they close again soon after. Part of this is the ongoing process of opening the energy of your body and mind, and it supports the need for diligence and consistency. But I also started to study some of my habits that may be creating blockages in these specific places and examine what is stuck there.
Unfortunately, when I do realize something about these blockages, I forget the details soon after. So I’m finally going to keep more of a log. I do have some observations written down in various places, but it’s not organized. One thing that’s easy to realize because it’s ever-present is that I have anger stored in my tailbone. Even when I was doing 1000 bows per day for 21 days back in 2010, I couldn’t release all the anger there. It would circulate, I would see it, and there was more and more and more.
I’ve also realized that my tailbone has a lot of “I want” and “I don’t want.” It’s very opinionated. One person I went hiking with in Boynton Canyon near Sedona, Arizona told me that the tailbone is the rudder of our lives. It steers our course. Does that mean I should be listening to my tailbone more? Or does it mean that my insistent, angry, frustrated tailbone needs to be better connected with my heart so that they can work together in tandem. Because while I appreciate my tailbone’s action-oriented directions, many of them have to do with protection and survival rather than growth or oneness. Do I need to make sure these are satisfied until my upper chakras come into play, or are these basic physical wants endless? If they can never be fully satisfied, then as long as my physical self is basically ok, can I ignore the rest and move on? I’m not sure. I’ve tried both ignoring and satisfying, and it only makes a momentary difference either way, but maybe I’m not doing either long enough or in the right way.
If you look at the energy principles that Ilchi Lee and Body & Brain Yoga teaches, though, I can never really feel like a creator in my life until the energy that goes up my back flows freely and abundantly. I think that will require both consistent, targeted energy practice and uncovering the reason I have weaknesses there in the first place. Toby Alexander claims that even if we watch ourselves or do meditation, you can’t change something unless you remove the blockages at the source (he has different names for these). That makes sense. But do I need to rely on someone else to remove them, or can I do it myself? Is one person’s method better than another person’s method? Or do I simply need my focused will and my inner knowing?
I’ve found that I know a lot that I don’t realize at the moment. I think I’ve come into this life with the knowledge of how to create, change, and repair the light structures that hold our reality together. Even as I said that, I only barely understand it. But I’ve had enough experiences in my life that I’ve accepted this idea.
So I’ll keep exploring, trying, and reporting. I wonder how my life would change if I managed to manage this blockage or eliminate it altogether. It’s fun to look forward to experiencing such a state.
This week has been a week of decisions. I needed to vote (early ballot), choose a retirement fund, and pick out things to throw away in our move to a smaller office. Decisions are always stressful to me, and Ifear and uncertainty came up. Anger came up too as I tried to push away the pressure. What didn’t come up was love.
I didn’t choose first out of love, and I tried to find something to fight against instead of embracing everything. I didn’t love both candidates (or hate them either) and I didn’t love the person trying to get me to invest more money for things I didn’t want to invest in.
But I realized today that love should always be my first response if I really want to create and embody it, especially if I want to make more of it alive in this world. I need to trust that if I choose love, I’ll be OK, instead of letting my existential fear of not surviving ruling my thoughts and emotions. Will the country be OK, will the new office be OK without the things we’re taking, will people be angry with me if I make certain choices? I don’t know, so I guess that’s why it was hard to choose love instead of fear. However, they are flip sides of the same energy, like yin and yang. So wherever there is fear, there is also love in a sense.
If I can’t make that choice when times get tough, then everything I say are empty, meaningless words. What do I want my life to mean? What do I want it to be about? I already decided that much, so now I need to live it and keep choosing it in my daily choices—starting with loving myself.
It may seem like there is chaos all around you, but is there chaos inside you? The cacophony of voices on the airwaves cannot adequately help society and the earth. All change starts with ourselves. The strength of our bodies driven by the passion of our soul and the pureness of our conscience can weave the strands of energy searching for a better world, for meaning and righteousness, for their basic needs to be met, into a tapestry of wholeness, security in nothingness, and oneness.
Look deeper, and wider. You cannot rely on others to bring you peace. Such peace exists, but it fades. You cannot rely on others to bring you security. We all depend on each other, but circumstances can occur that wrenches the security we thought we had away from us. The security that comes from connecting with the Life energy that flows through everything cannot be taken away, however. It can be ignored or denied, but not taken away. It’s only when you feel this energy, the flow of life, that you can know that, “everything will be alright.”
“In the Middle Ages, people in Europe and especially in parts of Italy believed that the end of the world was coming, and they lived with a great fear of death by war, natural disaster, or contagious disease. They believed that the Black Madonna protected them. I am fascinated by the fact that it was during the so-called Dark Ages that all the Black Virgins came to life with strong devotions in Italy, France, Spain, Turkey, and Greece. It is important to note that during the Byzantine Empire and at the time of the Crusades, our Christian traditions mixed with those of the Moors through music and dance.
When the Plague spread all over Europe, decimating the population, people carried statues of the Black Madonna in powerful processions. They drummed and danced in circles and in a trance state and paraded through the streets to expel the fear of death and to stop the Plague from coming to their villages. Through musical exorcisms, which used the obsessive 6/8 of the tarantella rhythms, identical to African drumming rituals, entire villages celebrated the miracles of the Black Madonna—protecting their towns from the Plague as well as from earthquakes and foreign invasions.
This tradition is alive today, especially in the region of Calabria, and I firmly believe from my own experiences that the Black Madonna is alive today with the same power to protect us from the ongoing wars, disease, and political crises we experience.”
p. 156 in Healing Journeys with the Black Madonna: Chants, Music, and Sacred Practices of the Great Goddess by Alessandra Belloni
In the Brain Education practice that I do, we often use vibration exercise or what some might call “ecstatic dance” to release tension, slow down our brain waves, and connect our body, brain, and spirit. Rhythmic dance is my favorite form of connection and prayer.
I have also felt connected to the divine feminine, which is one of the reasons I bought this book. I think now is a time when the masculine and feminine aspects of humanity are trying to come into balance.
While I don’t know much about them, this passage reminds me of what I’ve heard about Pele, a Hawaiian goddess of fire and volcanoes, and the Hindu goddess Kali. Both have the power to destroy and create. New life comes after death, so I welcome the disruption and even destruction of our current times as I sit safely and peacefully in my house. Perhaps it’s what we need for real change.
But recent events also bring out my need to protect and heal. So my thoughts have quickly turned to how we can heal the pain and suffering that has been festering for centuries and has erupted once again under tremendous pressure.
My week was filled with blogs and newsletters with hopefully helpful messages, but is it really enough? Necessary perhaps, but not concrete enough. I don’t really ever do anything concrete, so I’m a little lost as to what concrete action I can take now that would make a difference. Should I try to think big, or just start small? If I could take action, then that would be living my truth.
At the very least, I will use rhythmic music and dance in my next Sound Healing live class on Change Your Energy this month so we can all subject the fire raging now to the power and wisdom of our souls. In these modern times, we can be divine agents in the world.
What message would or should I give myself for the new year?
Usually I don’t like this sort of thing, but it’s hard to avoid when you’re immersed in the self-help world. I’ll step beyond my comfort zone and see how well I do.
The theme of 2020 is Be Bright!
Why should you be bright? As I’ve written several times in this blog, brightness is the most important thing. It’s the thing I’m here to do. So that’s essential step number one.
But why should other people be bright? Brightness is a feeling as well as an outlook. It’s an energy state. The state of your energy and mind determines the state of your life, at least eventually if you maintain it. (And sometimes even now.) The brighter you are, the happier, healthier, and more creative you’ll be.
And that’s it.
Brightness requires constant diligence though. You have to be motivated to change your energy whenever your brightness dims. You have to be willing to do energy practice every day without fail to strengthen your core and clean out your thoughts and emotions. You need to remain unattached to thoughts and emotions, and move quickly toward a goal you’re focusing on.
These are the things you need to do every day of your life, so what’s the big deal about January 1st?
The new year is pretty arbitrary in my mind, but I guess it can serve as a reminder to get back on track if you’ve gone off of it.
There’s nothing to learn and nothing to fix. Instead, deep acceptance of everything and forgiveness of all helps us stay with who we really are instead of getting sucked into the illusions of our mind. It’s about staying in the moment. Again, it’s easier said than done and is not tied to a particular day of the year. And so, I’ve come back full circle to the beginning of my post.
So maybe the theme for this year should be “Get Back on Track.” Don’t autocorrect; self-correct instead.
We are always changing yet our essence is always the same. That’s why we don’t have to “sweat the small stuff.”
I just found this TEDx talk by Weiyang Xie dealing with shame. Her solution: practice compassionate self-talk. Shame is just a habit of negative self-talk. Being consistently kind to yourself can become a new habit.