Being Sincere About Sincerity

Everything requires sincere devotion.

My heart bursts when I see this quote. And then it shrivels up (a bit) when I realize it isn’t likely that I’ll do it.

I need to be sincere about being devoted in every moment.

Keep going.


Shit My Butt Says

I sat a lot today.

I sat until my back was stiff, my shoulders were crooked, and my butt hurt.

And then I did bowing meditation . . . awkwardly . . . using my hands to make sure I didn’t topple over as I went up and down.

So, of course, my back and my butt loosened up. And they complained to me as they did so.

Especially, my tailbone. My tailbone and sacrum always have a lot to say. This time, the stuff that came out were affirmations my subconscious holds onto, though they aren’t necessarily true. It felt really good to say and hear them, however.

So I decided to write out what I remember here, a few hours later, to help shed a little light on them.

Stuff that comes out of your butt should stay out, so maybe if I’m clear on what they are, I can fully release them and not be ruled by them unawares.

As Ilchi Lee likes to say, “Take back your brain.” Or butt in this case I guess.

Some of it was in response to energy I was processing from the people around me. This is how I will take ownership of that response.

  • My personality is that I don’t like to beg, so if you don’t like me or need what I have to offer, f*%k you. I can take care of it myself.
  • I can do it myself.
  • The company vision is meaningless, because it changes at any moment, and it’s rarely achieved. While I can move toward that goal, in the beginning, I can’t see many of the steps needed to get there.
  • I need to find my own goal and just stick with it, finding my own way instead of being confused by the flurry of activity around me.
  • This is all a game.

Man, I can’t remember much of it anymore. The punchiest words are again lost to my subconscious. I’ll catch them if they ever show themselves again.

This morning when I did bowing meditation on my own, all I could feel was that “only love exists.” I guess a good night’s sleep and personal quiet time was in order 😀

If I could do that every morning, that would be a perfect life.

Being My Own Parent

After a recent conversation, I realized that I need to tell myself what I hope to hear from another person.

It’s OK. Even though you are lacking confidence right now, I believe in you. I know you can do it. You just have to make up your mind.

Ilchi Lee says this is like science, meaning, it’s predictable. Even though you weren’t able to do it in the past, with your determination, your brain will find a way.

You don’t need to give up your work when you’re feeling depressed and sad. Just keep trying.

Being a project manager is good for your growth. I will give you real authority so that it’s a meaningful role. What you do really matters.

Just change your energy and you’ll see everything more clearly and brightly.

I believe in you.

“Rosie the Riveter” from blog

Monday Doesn’t Matter

I’ve been feeling a sense of futility for many reasons lately. One of the reasons is that regardless of how centered or joyful or connected or soul-centered I feel, something always soon happens to cover, suffocate, or wash out this state.

Even though intellectually I know that I just need to become stronger, I had became tired of making myself “right” over the weekend, only to walk into the office on Monday and have it all swept away. This “Monday” consciousness and energy, which didn’t feel good, would slowly seep in from the minute I would enter the office.

I couldn’t fight it off for long. I didn’t have enough energy to do that and work and respond to the needs around me. Within half an hour, I would have surrendered to the inevitable.

Today I decided that I didn’t care. Just like the boy who kept throwing starfish into the sea, one by one, saving as many as he could among the millions on the beach, I can save my moments one by one. If I have even one more moment in which my soul is alive with joy, it is valuable. It’s not pointless. That is one more moment, one more bit of that consciousness and energy that I’ve not only added to my own life, but also to the pool of the world, to the earth itself. I should try to contribute as much as I can.

And if I’m lucky, maybe this accumulation will make my soul energy stronger, so that it can survive in any environment. I promised one of my old Body & Brain members ten years ago that I would work to make the world safe for our souls to come out. So I shouldn’t forget that promise.

Just as we can face one bow in meditation at a time, I can face and contribute one moment at a time. And that is enough.

Monday Musings

Actually, it’s Tuesday.

But I want it to still be Monday, because I never finished Monday! And now I have to face the reality of all the things I never finished because I was distracted and sleepy or asked to do other things. Having a two hour lunch with my sister didn’t help either 🙂

So why am I writing this now instead of doing all those things? Writing freely like this often clears my mind and the energy swirling around inside. Exercise would help a lot too, but I thought this would take less time, and I’ve been wanting to write a blog post for a while. Also, I need to get my writing juices flowing, because the tasks I’m avoiding involve writing.

Beginning a letter is often where I get stuck. When my boss tells me about the letter I should ghost write from someone else to a group of people I don’t know, it sounds so easy. But then I start to write and I’m like, “Huh? How do I do this again?”

It’s because my head isn’t fully in the space of the person from whom the letter is being sent. And sometimes it’s because I feel like they wouldn’t really want to send that letter. Whether that is true or not, I don’t know, but it’s a blockage I need to get past. My imagination needs to handle it.

I better try again. Wish me luck!


Inspiring Quotes by Ilchi Lee

I’m going through quotes of things Ilchi Lee has said or written. I’m inspired by many of them, so I want to share them here.

Those with open hearts are wise beyond words.

When you’re stuck between a challenge and giving up, take one more step. That one step can totally change your life.

When you stop the thought that you don’t know enough yet, you can truly become your own master, and live an independent and creative life. This is when the wisdom of divinity in you finally begins to shine, and your infinite creativity demonstrates itself.

Rather than being attached to a person or thing to satisfy your desires, try hard to keep the peace in your heart. When you release your desires and attachment, you will find a true experience of growing, from deep inside yourself.

Unhappiness is a habit. Those with this habit feel victimized and have arrogance and selfishness, no matter what circumstances surround them.

What changes the world is not mystical messages from the universe, but the courage and conviction of unselfish people.

The true enlightenment that I found: there is nothing in the world to become enlightened to. I had actually always been in a state of enlightenment, because that’s our natural state. I had been given everything already, and accepting myself, as I am, is the highest enlightenment.

Life begins with emptying oneself with a great cry, life’s rhythm beginning at that moment, filling the emptied space anew. By pushing out the small breath held inside, a new breath of the great air of Nature comes into the space.

The human brain is fundamentally complete, right from the start. If you don’t think your achievements are good enough yet, suggest to them with all your love, “You have infinite possibilities and creativity. You can do anything. You have come to this world with great purpose!”

Those who want to attain spiritual completion share respect, love and peace, and are satisfied through sharing what they have.


Think of the Need and Do It

You must never so much think as whether you like it or not, whether it is bearable or not; you must never think of anything except the need, and how to meet it.

—Clara Barton (1821-1902), founder of the American Red Cross


Clara Barton, December 31, 1903 By James E. Purdy (This image is available from the United States Library of Congress‘s Prints and Photographs divisionunder the digital ID cph.3b23025.This tag does not indicate the copyright status of the attached work. A normal copyright tag is still required. See Commons:Licensing for more information., Public Domain, Link

I found this quote on a flier given to me by a woman’s group organizer that I met when I gave a presentation on self-care for family caregivers at FSL in Phoenix. The flier featured Ms. Barton, who, it said, was a hospital caregiver in the American Civil War, a patient record keeper, and a teacher. “Known as ‘The Angel of the Battlefield,’ she is considered to be the most respected woman in American history for the tireless and dedicated services that she gave to wounded solders.”

I am noting this quote here on my blog because I want to remind myself of it. I feel like I used to have this mindset for the most part, but I have been struggling to maintain it lately. As always, when I write things here, they stick with me and help me in my life. Maybe it will help you too.

I Am Gold

My body, my voice, my brain—my life—are all gold.

That is my feeling and my mantra today.

I arrived at it suddenly this morning as my petty self mentally railed against a coworker who doesn’t seem to value the things that come out of my mouth. I’ve stopped my mental slaughter, because it doesn’t make my soul happy and I know that I am here to live for my soul and to spread love throughout the earth. Everything else is secondary. So, with time and effort, I can set anything aside for that.

In the face of her attitude, however, I discovered my own pride and my own genuine inner value as well. I wanted to tell this person, “I am gold.” What I have and what I am is so valuable—more than gold actually. This is not based on my performance; it is unconditional fact. I fear that she may not always know that about herself, because she is trying so hard to achieve her goals, which is admirable. Way deep down she knows and on the surface, she exudes confidence (purposefully), but somewhere in the middle . . . I wonder. While I shouldn’t judge, because that’s just doing the same thing, it’s helpful for me to remember this condition I sense in her, because I become less caught up in it by internalizing it.

Through this process this morning, I realized how much the people directly around me, such as my boss and my husband, still seem to value me, even when I make mistakes, don’t make sense, or don’t do as well. I don’t know why they feel that way, but I sincerely appreciate them. I also love them for who they are, regardless of how they feel about me.

Today, as I strive to perform better—to think through my thoughts more before I say them out loud, to focus better on my work, and to make more thorough and polished content—I will remember with all of my being that:



A Night of One Awakening After Another

Tonight I had a number of random awakenings, and I thought I should write them down before they pass into the oblivion of my short-term memory.

One happened during Belly Button Healing today. I realized that if I just relax my brain, the spiritual advances I have been craving will come and enter with the help of my peoples in the spirit realm.

While walking around with a bean bag on my head, I discovered that there is a certain point in my lower back, around my sacrum, that when energy circulates through there, I start blaming others. There is a bit of pain and a lot of stiffness there, and its constant presence generates constant complaints in my thoughts. I know getting rid of the stiffness would help my thoughts, but today I saw that if I stopped blaming (which I do knowing full well that I shouldn’t and often stop myself), then energy would circulate through there better.

I also realized that when energy circulates through there and then goes up my back, I can feel the scarcity in energy that is usually there. This scarcity leads to other insecurities like craving for attention, recognition, and the desire to be special instead of focusing on my soul and what it wants to create. Focusing on my soul would feel so much healthier and better, but I get inadvertently distracted by my blockages too much.

When energy circulates through there, the scarcity eases and I can be more myself instead of focusing on everyone else in my life.

This circulation up my back also eased some of the physical heart and chest symptoms I’ve been feeling—just tension and uncomfortable weirdness there.

I released a lot during BHP Energy Healing today. How am I in so much pain?

The conclusion, of course, is that I need some more quiet time feeling my body and resting my brain. I also need strong exercise to override my thoughts. And some deep breathing perhaps? Certainly!