This evening, I did a one-hour training with bowing meditation, Belly Button Healing, gibberish singing, and connecting to divine energy. Although in the physical world, the training was led by another person, in the energy/spiritual world, it felt like the whole experience was orchestrated by my soul. Through it I felt the wisdom that I am not separate from anything around me and that just as in the training, my soul is orchestrating my whole life.

Sometimes I guard myself from my experiences because I’m afraid of going down the wrong path, but tonight’s experience moved me beyond that fear and the hesitation in life that often comes with it. I felt deeper trust in my soul and in my life as it is manifesting.

Maintaining that connection to the soul and subsequently to the Source of energy and consciousness is something I can only do moment by moment in the now. It’s something I feel responsibility for doing, and my insides keep driving me in that direction.

At the end of the training, I read a page in Ilchi Lee‘s new book, I’ve Decided to Live 120 Years: The Ancient Secret to Longevity, Vitality, and Life Transformation. It was about Longevity Walking, which you could also call chi walking. In this style of walking, you adjust your gait so that your energy circulates better in your body and you accumulate energy in your core. The page listed many reasons why moving your legs are important for a long, health life. For me, walking also strengthens my connection to my soul and divinity. It is necessary for me to be creative and sane. My conclusion from tonight’s training was that I need to walk often so that I can maintain and grow my precious connection to the only true power unconditionally.

Unconditional …
Love
Acceptance
Gratitude
Forgiveness
Trust.

These are the real powers in this world … and beyond. They can heal or fix anything, but they require devotion. True devotion. Never-ending … unconditional.

This is the love and quest of my life.

Ilchi Lee has often pointed out that the trees and rocks bear the changing of the seasons and the effects of weather with equanimity. This reminds me of being unconditional. No matter what, we can ride the waves of turmoil, always moving toward or staying in the center.

Today I sit in the seat of frustration . . . not harmony, not compassion, not benevolence. I have something inside that so strongly wants to be expressed that it wants to smash through the barriers that cage it. Now is not the first time I’ve felt this way. This is a recurring theme in my life. So, I think it’s worth my while to try to solve it. This feeling seems selfish to me; it doesn’t fully satisfy my heart. At the same time, it’s undeniable.

I think my usual strategy is to keep it quiet or satisfied enough that it doesn’t get too loud or forceful. That gets harder and harder the more Brain Education training I do or the more I try to develop myself. I guess that’s normal.

My current emotional roller coaster was triggered by family time this weekend, which was beautiful, but which triggered old insecurities, not around my immediate family, but around some extended family.

More buttons were pressed when I found out that we were going to hire a full-time online content writer who I would have to manage. I have many mixed feelings about managing someone, and those reactions have been flooding my brain since I heard about it yesterday. Taking a walk helped to clear some of it, but there is more to work out.

On the one hand, I know it will be good for my growth, and it seems like a natural progression from blocking out external distractions while we worked on publishing our new book last month to hosting my dad while he was in Arizona to being part of a family unit again to having an employee I need to take care of. My social awareness and sphere of influence are expanding.

I will do my best to take care of this person and help them have a rewarding work life while making worthwhile contributions to the company. I will be proactive in expanding our online presence and making money from it. However, I realized that I haven’t really desired help, and I realized that it was because I wasn’t taking full responsibility for my projects.

That’s where the angry frustration comes in. It’s in my nature to take responsibility and lead, but I was basically sticking my middle finger up at a situation in which goals are passed down from on high and are constantly changing. Strategies change too. Everything is constantly changing. I’m used to it. Unfortunately, the way I’ve been dealing with it is, rather than taking responsibility, I let everything go and not become attached. My attitude has been: If you want this, ok, I’ll do it. Now you want this? Ok, I’ll do that. I make plans because I have to, but ultimately, to me, they are meaningless exercises I need to carry out until the plans change. I can’t tell whether anything I do actually makes a difference to anyone except to help my boss feel supported in accomplishing everything we need to do. For me, helping her was enough. I was fine with that. But now, she says I have to make plans and have my own helper.

The problem is that when I make plans, I want to do tons of research before I find the best option or sometimes just run ahead and get something done to keep some momentum. Also, once I decide something, really decide, that’s it. I really hate changing my mind. It took so much effort to decide; I don’t want to go through that process again, and if I change it, the decision seems meaningless. This process doesn’t fit into our work culture.

This worry may be moot anyway, though, because usually when someone says I’ll be in charge of something, it ends up meaning that I’m just the person communicating with the various people on the project. It doesn’t mean I’m actually creating something; ultimately, nothing is up to me.

So, if I’m going to be proactive and make plans, I’d rather do something all on my own without supervision, such as raising the consciousness/awareness of media professionals and media companies. That would be a worthwhile thing. I could say I made a difference if I did that. I’ve been saying I wanted to do that for a while, but haven’t done it. Now is the time. I’ll keep my day job (I like eating), and do this project on the side. It will be a long road, and I have no idea where the road even starts, but I’m looking forward to it.

This is today’s brainstorming for our BestLifeMedia.com enewsletter:

My dearest, sweetest subscribers,

Do you think I’m real? Or am I just a faceless mask trying to sell things to you. That’s right, I am. so what? What am I supposed to be to you? What do you want me to be so I can achieve my goal? Is it worth it?

But I sincerely want to do something for you, not for my own gain. These two pieces of me are separated right now. They don’t seem to belong to each other, or they don’t know how to be integrated. Maybe that’s why my newsletters or social media posts normally don’t result in sales?

What can I do for you that’s authentic and beneficial for both of us?

I want to let you know that our August sale will end tomorrow. I think that’s helpful information. But how are the products we have on sale helpful? I think they are, but I feel like I’ve said all I have to say about them in the blog post and the previous newsletters. So I need a new angle.

The books are on Brain Education. It’s a self-development and self-management method designed by Ilchi Lee. There’s a whole bunch actually. And what’s the difference between them? It’s a matter of what you need. Principles of Brain Management is really simple. You can get quick advice from it that’s really practical. If you want to know Brain Education in-depth, The Power Brain is the best. That’s essentially a friendly textbook on the topic. In Full Bloom applies Brain Education to aging, and Power Brain Kids and The Brain Power Classroom applies it to kids and teachers, respectively.

Yeah, so, that’s what’s on sale, and they’re 20% off. I think it’s a great idea for back-to-school. But what will having these books really mean for your life?

I mean, do you really know your brain that well, not on a scientific level, but on a personal level. Is it something you never pay attention to? Listening to Ilchi Lee for over 10 years, I can’t help but pay attention to how I’m using my brain, but I don’t do it enough. I remember, however, being in high school and being able to feel my brain in different situations. It’s hard to describe, but I was aware of the feeling of my brain. That didn’t give me any practical information at the time. It was just interesting.

These brain books that we’re selling tell you how to use your brain in a practical way, especially to achieve goals. Interestingly, they show you how to use your body to manage your brain. If you practice Brain Education, the tie between brain and body is strengthened. Not only do you become more aware of your brain, but you become more aware of your body as well.

The benefits you get from being able to do that are immeasurable. It’s a new way of looking at the world. You become more flexible and less ruled by your emotions. You can take a step back and see your life more clearly, and you gain more action power to carry out your ideas. Overall, your life becomes more fluid, so more things become possible for you.

You won’t really know all of the potential that could be unleashed until you try it. Now is a good time. Summer is over, and they’re 20% off. But only today.

Those are the benefits I would like to give to whomever may choose to listen.

Today I thought, if I died in an hour, what would I regret? The answer that came to mind is that I would regret not listening to the messages I received last Monday morning.

I’ve been doing a daily meditation recommended and designed by my spiritual teacher, Ilchi Lee. It involves bowing meditation, energy meditation with hands, and visualization. I’ve experienced many interesting spiritual and energetic phenomena as I’ve done this training, but what I experienced last Monday was the strongest. Perhaps it was because of the eclipse? (I don’t know much about that kind of thing.)

I had been doing the training with a group of other students of Ilchi Lee, except we didn’t do it together on Sunday. I was very busy that day, got up early, and was very tired. So I went to bed early, but, as I lay there, I kept getting an energetic nudge to do the training. However, all I had looked forward to that day was being alone in my dark bedroom under the covers and deeply relaxing and releasing whatever stagnant energy had begun to circulate in my body. I was stubborn and refused to get up. But I promised myself I would do it in the morning, and I did.

That’s why I did the meditation twice in the same day: once in the morning by myself and once with my usual group in the evening. Monday morning was the first time I had ever done the meditation by myself, uninfluenced by the energy of people around me. Doing meditation or other mind-body training with a group really amps up the energy, and you all affect each other. In this case, it was just me and the spirit world.

I’m not a medium, a psychic, or a channeler, and before I started practicing Ilchi Lee’s Brain Education method, I couldn’t feel energy at all. As my cousin told me once back then: I was blocked. Through the practice, and perhaps from living in Sedona, Arizona for eight years (a spiritual “Mecca”), my ability to sense energy, which everyone naturally has, has opened up and developed. I even started to be able to feel people’s souls or feel the spiritual essence or consciousness of a person, which in Brain Education parlance is called the “spiritual body.”

During one part of this daily meditation, you focus on or “connect with” Ilchi Lee’s spiritual body and communicate with it. This is a very healing experience physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I did it last Monday morning, I felt my energy expand and felt that I needed to reach many people. I felt a strong sense of urgency, as if we needed to hurry and time was running out. My fears and ego immediately began to celebrate and run away from this instinct—at the same time. But the next wave of energy washed all that away and I felt balanced with a knowing that it was about service and that I should focus on how I can benefit others.

As I was filled with this, I felt the energy/spiritual body of Archangel Michael, who I have experienced before. He put a sword inside me along my spine. It felt like a sword of protection and courage. Then another sword came vertically into me through my front, and it felt like the sword of Truth. I received the message that I need to visibly share and strongly stand up for Truth, regardless of what other people think, even if I am “stoned” in the process. I need to be on the front lines.

The swords reminded me of my mother. As I wrote in an earlier post on this blog, my mother also gave me messages during the annual memorial ceremony we do on the anniversary of her death. I remembered she said that there is a spiritual war going on. I also remembered that she said that besides Ilchi Lee, I should stick to Jesus. When I remembered that, I felt Jesus’s energy/spiritual body. I have felt him helping and protecting me periodically since I was a kid. His energy enveloped me and I laid down and started to cry. I can’t really describe why anymore, but there was some regret in it.

He reinforced the sense of urgency. I felt, as I have many times, that I needed to write. The problem has been that I never know what to write. But I got the message that I need to sit down and do it every day and I will know. He also said I should share his message and that I should listen to the words of a particular woman I know who teaches about him. I felt strongly that “now is the time.”

I was so affected by his energy and his desire for me to share his message that I became confused because I have been sharing Ilchi Lee’s messages for the last ten years. What does this mean? I wanted to know and I didn’t want to know. The only things I knew for sure were:

1. Everyone’s in a big hurry.
2. I need to write everyday.
3. I need to listen to the messages of this person.

Nevertheless, I was in a state of spiritual confusion, letting the competing information battle silently inside me, until the next evening. During the meditation on Tuesday night, I again connected to the spiritual body of Ilchi Lee, and I received the message, “If you’ve been given a mission, then you should fulfill it.” He washed away all of my confusion, and I felt my consciousness expand and felt deeper love and trust. Rather than this effect being fleeting or ephemeral, it was steady and secure. I stopped worrying and decided to do my best.

However, I have only taken the first step now, on Wednesday night. Pretty slow, huh? During the training tonight, I was again told to get a move on and circulate my energy faster. I was also told to have the energy and consciousness I need to create right now, in this moment. Goals may manifest in the physical world in the future, but, once again, I realized we need to make the internal circumstances for them right now in the present.

Now that I’ve written this, except for saying good-bye to my family, if I tragically die in an hour, I can at least say I don’t have regrets. I listened. I did it. Since I’m unlikely to die in an hour, however, I will have to keep doing that—listening and acting on what I learn.

Ilchi Lee said that he realized after his enlightenment that an enlightenment that you can’t share or transfer to others isn’t real enlightenment. Basically, it’s just nice information in my head. Although these experiences during meditation feel so strong and potent in the moment, if I don’t bring them to life in the physical world—in the way I think and act and in what I accomplish—they won’t be any different than an amazing movie that I watched or a beautiful daydream. What really matters is what I believe and how it affects my actions.

I’d like to note that Ilchi Lee, the man who breathes and eats and speaks, is not responsible in any way for what I wrote here. I hope no one attributes any of my story to him. This all came from my own brain—my own experience. I’m grateful to him for this meditation practice through which I feel renewed and inspired every day.

I’m sharing this video from the list25 YouTube channel, because it talks about stuff that has been in my mind lately with this year’s presidential election. Especially since most of the people around me did not grow up in the United States, it made me reflect on why U.S. values are what they are. I think this channel makes a good point.

In the video description, it says:

The United States is a very misunderstood country. In fact, almost everybody in the world has a different point of view concerning what it should/could be and the media never helps. As big as it is, generalizations are very hard to make. Every state is different. Actually, every state even has its own military! To understand why America is what it is you need to go back to its roots. It was built by people trying to escape government. It was built with a wild west, this-land-is-mine mentality. It’s a no-government-can-tell-me-what-to-do mentality. It’s survival of the fittest and this mentality survives until today. For better or for worse these are 25 things that visitors will find most surprising about the United States.

I’ve also noticed how my thinking has changed from this. I want everyone to have certain resources or rights regardless of what they’ve earned or haven’t. In U.S. culture, there is an underlying assumption that if you don’t do well, it’s because you’re lazy and didn’t work hard enough. It doesn’t take into account forces that are difficult for an individual to control.

Of course, in pioneer days, people had to survive regardless of the forces, like those of nature, that we couldn’t control. And we helped our neighbor to survive them too. If they didn’t succeed, people suffered and died. Life was hard, but some people thrived.

At the same time, I am still leery of “big government” and “Big Brother.” So then, the job of making sure everyone has their basic needs met, including training to support themselves in society, falls to the “people.” However,  I haven’t been doing much to help besides trying to raise awareness and consciousness. Maybe it’s enough, or maybe not.

As Ilchi Lee‘s new book with Dr. Emanuel Pastreich, Earth Management, proposes, both individuals, society, and the government should act with the Hongik spirit—we should act to benefit all others in addition to ourselves. However, the book emphasizes the power and responsibility of the individuals to make a change, especially considering society’s systems have failed to do it so far and considering that it’s harder to change those systems. Perhaps the United States’s culture of philanthropy is a ripe field for developing a Hongik society from the ground up.

Last night, we had a small memorial ceremony for the 10th anniversary of my mother’s death. It was inspired by traditional Korean ceremonies, although we made our own personal modifications.

During the ceremony, I could feel my mother’s consciousness and energy. I felt that she was a warrior, and she said there was a serious spiritual battle going on right now. She told me I needed to be strong, and, especially, keep a strong center line. She also told me to clear out any old energy, in particular, the old things from my bedroom.

My mother healed some of my energetic blockages at that time, and sent her love to my sisters. I also felt a long ancestral line of her children.

She recognized my teacher, Ilchi Lee, and said that he is good, if you like him, go ahead, do what you want, but the important part is Jesus. Then, I felt a deeper connection to Jesus, who I have known since I was a child.

At some point, my mind and energy connected my mother to another line of energy, one that I’m not familiar with. I do this randomly without planning to in different places with different people; I don’t know why. I don’t plan it, I don’t try to do it, and I don’t fully understand it. For example, I connected my father-in-law to some spiritual lineage I didn’t know of, but which seemed Chinese. I connected Ilchi Lee to Jesus and Thoth at different times, and I made some connection I don’t remember in the store called Atlantis in Sedona, AZ.

My mother’s energy was not as bright and light as I aim to be, perhaps because of the war. Despite that, whereas normally I would let her energy and consciousness fade from me easily and quickly, not wanting to hold her from her new life and work, last night, I wanted her to stay with me. I became very attached to her. I’ve been acting very attached to things and people in the last few days, when clearly the energy around me has been saying to let it go. I just need to let go.

Beyond space and time, we are all always together. We are all one.

But I think my feeling was not just my wanting to hold on to something. It was also my wanting not to avoid something. I want to make sure I’m willing to go deep into something instead of only sitting on the surface. Perhaps by going deep, I will have finished with it and the energy will move naturally on its own.

Anyway, I will do my best for the spiritual battle here on earth.

My soul only knows now.

My soul only is and only wants love.

True healing can only come from my soul.

True peace and happiness comes from being in alignment with these truths.

Today, while I was doing bowing, I felt my tender heart being exposed by the energy release that naturally comes with bowing meditation. My tender heart is just something I’ve named to fit the feeling I had. I would like to explore this tender heart. What would life be like if I left it exposed instead of covering it up?

One thing I’ve learned already is that being in our office is difficult with a tender heart. This feeling, when I have it, often only lasts about half an hour when I walk in there in the morning. This phenomenon strikes me as odd, since there are so many good and loving people in my office. So I don’t think it’s my environment that is causing it. So, why is maintaining my spiritual strength and center while I’m out in the world so difficult?

Obviously, one reason must be that my center is not strong enough. That’s the law of energy. Different energies tend to resonate together, and they follow whichever energy is the strongest.

I’ve wanted to make my energy stronger for years, but I haven’t had the dedication to do it. Can I really make it a priority? Will that fulfill Ilchi Lee’s assertion that keeping a promise is more important than “enlightenment?” I think my preconception of this idea is encouraging me not to focus too deeply inside, but, instead, focus on getting work done. However, the balance point, or the zero point as they say, is when you go so deep that you and others, as well as being and doing, become one.

I’ve been that deep, but I don’t live at that depth. I think not remaining in that state of consciousness and energy is preventing me from reaching out and helping people in the way that I’d like—the effective way essentially, whatever that is. I haven’t found it yet, but I know the answer is usually in the blockages one carries inside one, often deliberately.

I’ve noticed that this topic is the theme of most of my blog posts. Perhaps this is the organic theme of this blog: How to live with an open heart. This theme is not new, but it’s important to me. It affects every aspect of my life.

The only conclusion I can come to right now is to keep trying to open my heart and stay there—over and over, over and over.