I received pineal gland opening training from Ilchi Lee last night via a live broadcast from South Korea. All of the energies and possibilities and happenings are still swirling within me, even after a decent sleep. I hope that by freely writing here, I can untangle some of them so that I may be clearer and more effective in my life.
During a recent training/meditation, I could feel that I was “annointed” and that the drive to “prove” it came from the heated buzzing in my head, from my ego. My frustration lately stems from the fact that deep down I have these truthful-seeming realizations that seem to have nothing to do with reality. So then I think that I need to bring them out, make them manifest, by changing myself and taking action. That’s what all of the teachers I’ve read or heard about say. But that’s when things get murky, because I’m not sure what that looks like in reality or what I’m supposed to aim for. In the end, I keep changing my idea instead of heading toward one thing like a stubborn bull with unwavering devotion toward one goal. Then other people tell me what I should be focused on and instead of focusing on it, I rebel and think, no, I will only do what my soul wants and not get distracted. But then I don’t.
Such dilemmas. It’s quite comical. I can laugh at myself at how crazy it is. However, I have felt the deep peace of being and doing exactly what my soul wants in that moment. I think that is true peace and joy. So it’s also not so crazy.
In writing this, I realize once again that, like everything else, following the voice of your soul is a moment by moment choice that needs to be renewed. It requires Presence, rather than running full-steam at something as if the thing itself was the point instead of the process of being immersed in your body and aware of your soul. I need to keep my focus and awareness where it belongs, not on some far away idea of what I think I should be—that is ego territory.
I need to do this regardless of my daily tasks or the sales goals I need to achieve. Although those are present in my life as tools for the growth of my soul, I’ve started to wonder about how helpful they are, at least in the way I’ve been thinking about them and approaching them . . . or rather, the way I’ve been thinking that I should think about and approach them. Mostly, I avoid them as much as I can.
Maybe my relationship toward them needs to change. Again, they may only be useful if I am focusing inside myself, rather than only using the goal as my standard. Perhaps if I do that, I will stop avoiding them and will embrace them instead.
Doing that will give me right direction and right timing. Ilchi Lee has been emphasizing the importance of going in the right direction lately—of following your conscience and doing Hongik actions. I guess it’s the same thing 🙂
Whenever I feel out of step, I realize that I wasn’t so far away after all. In writing in this blog, I often feel assured that I’m okay and on the right track. What a useful blog it is! It’s my personal therapist that helps me to live out the fact that I already have everything I need.
I can trust myself.
Have a beautiful Wednesday!