Since I started doing Body & Brain Yoga Tai Chi, I’ve been increasingly aware of my tailbone. I have a blockage in my sacrum area on the left side of my spine. My left bladder meridian along my back is usually blocked in general, especially between my left shoulder blade and my spine.

When I do the practice or get any kind of energy work done, these blockages open, sometimes only partially. Then they close again soon after. Part of this is the ongoing process of opening the energy of your body and mind, and it supports the need for diligence and consistency. But I also started to study some of my habits that may be creating blockages in these specific places and examine what is stuck there.

Unfortunately, when I do realize something about these blockages, I forget the details soon after. So I’m finally going to keep more of a log. I do have some observations written down in various places, but it’s not organized. One thing that’s easy to realize because it’s ever-present is that I have anger stored in my tailbone. Even when I was doing 1000 bows per day for 21 days back in 2010, I couldn’t release all the anger there. It would circulate, I would see it, and there was more and more and more.

I’ve also realized that my tailbone has a lot of “I want” and “I don’t want.” It’s very opinionated. One person I went hiking with in Boynton Canyon near Sedona, Arizona told me that the tailbone is the rudder of our lives. It steers our course. Does that mean I should be listening to my tailbone more? Or does it mean that my insistent, angry, frustrated tailbone needs to be better connected with my heart so that they can work together in tandem. Because while I appreciate my tailbone’s action-oriented directions, many of them have to do with protection and survival rather than growth or oneness. Do I need to make sure these are satisfied until my upper chakras come into play, or are these basic physical wants endless? If they can never be fully satisfied, then as long as my physical self is basically ok, can I ignore the rest and move on? I’m not sure. I’ve tried both ignoring and satisfying, and it only makes a momentary difference either way, but maybe I’m not doing either long enough or in the right way.

If you look at the energy principles that Ilchi Lee and Body & Brain Yoga teaches, though, I can never really feel like a creator in my life until the energy that goes up my back flows freely and abundantly. I think that will require both consistent, targeted energy practice and uncovering the reason I have weaknesses there in the first place. Toby Alexander claims that even if we watch ourselves or do meditation, you can’t change something unless you remove the blockages at the source (he has different names for these). That makes sense. But do I need to rely on someone else to remove them, or can I do it myself? Is one person’s method better than another person’s method? Or do I simply need my focused will and my inner knowing?

I’ve found that I know a lot that I don’t realize at the moment. I think I’ve come into this life with the knowledge of how to create, change, and repair the light structures that hold our reality together. Even as I said that, I only barely understand it. But I’ve had enough experiences in my life that I’ve accepted this idea.

So I’ll keep exploring, trying, and reporting. I wonder how my life would change if I managed to manage this blockage or eliminate it altogether. It’s fun to look forward to experiencing such a state.