I just spent the last six hours reading half of Mockingjay. My husband is out. He went swimming at the community pool. He likes to do that on the weekends. Sometimes I go with him. I feel great afterward. But this Sunday, I was too wrapped up in my book, and the most important things I needed to get done didn’t involve going anywhere.

When I came out of my book stupor, I actually had the wherewithal to take a shower. While I was showering I thought, I should clean up. I’ll start with the shower since I haven’t done it in a couple of weeks. And I should call Jill (my friend from high school) before it gets too late on the east coast. I’m thinking that I need to do physical, concrete things to get my life back on track. So I get out of the shower and start to get dressed and clean up. But as I do so, my brain opens up. I had been doing my best to stay away from my usual train of thought—the I need to do this, and this is the way that is—just to keep from thinking and feeling the way I usually feel because I didn’t want to return to the same old state. I didn’t want my mind to swirl around with what I thought I should do, what I thought others thought I should do, and random desires to do things. Sometimes these all compete in my head. To do that, in a way I was blocking my thinking. For a moment, however, it was like I stopped and this “spiritual” information came in. I had been blocking that too because I had wanted to do something simple and “real” and not just have a lot of nice thoughts and feelings.

For once, I was not confused from the  influx of energy and information. I felt quite clear. What I sensed was, “You’re not fulfilling your mission.” I asked what I was supposed to be doing, and the answer I got was writing. I asked what I was supposed to be writing, and I sensed this blog. Now, from a logical perspective, writing in a blog that no one actually reads when I have lots of work and cleaning to do is a little ridiculous. And maybe I’ll regret it later . . . or maybe not. But hope and energy started to circulate inside and I knew that I needed to do it, even though it didn’t make sense.

So here I am, writing nothing to no one. I have a feeling, though, that something is coming down the pipeline, and if I keep going and keep listening to that feeling, something will grow and develop and come out. I’m not a person with special talents or expertise. I don’t have brilliant things to say or an engaging writing style necessarily. But I am someone who asked heaven to use me and who asked how I can be useful today. To get an answer and not act on it is even more ridiculous. I’m not going to follow logic, and I’m not going to block this flow of energy, even if I have doubts and fears and don’t know what to write. I will keep writing until it’s time to stop. And I know that I’ll know when it’s time to stop.

Last night I attended a ceremony at Mago Castle, the physical version here in Sedona, not the metaphysical one in the ancient story of Mago Castle.  It’s at the top of a hill that’s at the intersection of the four known major vortexes. When I stood there at dusk, looking out over Cathedral Rock and Bell Rock and everything in between, my soul felt healed. I felt a deeper connection to Mother Earth and feel strong energy come up from the ground. That place is known for its strong energy.

When I walked into the house on the property, maybe it was because of the faint smell of wine that is used to clean the ceremonial bowls and platters that hold food, candles, water, and incense, I had the same soul-fulfilling sensations I feel when taking the Eucharist during a Catholic Mass. In that place, after that ceremony of chanting and prayer, my soul felt much stronger.

During the ceremony, the person guiding it asked us to reflect on what it meant to be able to do this ceremony in that special place that honors the Earth. As I did so, I felt and saw the Earth opening up and bright light coming from it.

Just as many people are opening to brighter light right now, the Earth is as well, and vice versa. I also knew at that time that I should be brighter.

How can I have amazing experiences like that and then the next day spend six hours reading a novel with lots of killing in it? That’s what I ask myself. I don’t have an answer yet. Of course, it’s also about survival and valuing life, and taking pleasure in the small things. Katniss had her own way of thinking about the world, as everyone did, and in the end it didn’t seem any better or worse than anyone else’s.

All I wonder now is how can my soul really be free? I’ll just keep following my instincts, bit by bit, and see where they take me. Right now, I think it’s time to clean the bathroom.